Doctor: Could you pay for an operation if I thought that it was necessary?
Patient: Would you think the operation was necessary if I couldn"t pay for it?
Teacher: Tom, your homework, in which you wrote about a cat, is very much like your brother"s story. How is that?
Tom: Nothing strange about that, we have only one cat at home.
Little Girl: Mother, my cat can talk.
Little Girl: I ask her what is two minus two and she says nothing.
Mother: What are you jumping up and down for, Paul?
Paul: I took my medicine and forgot to shake the bottle.
Hello! Is that Ted Wells?
Yes. Who is speaking?
Who? I don"t hear.
I say Sam: Sid, Ada, Mary. Do you hear?
Yes, I do. But which of you three is speaking now?
Mother: You are seven today. Happy birthday to you, Tommy.
Tommy: Thank you, Mummy.
Mother: Do you like to have a cake with seven candles on it for your birthday par-ty?
Tommy: I think I better have seven cakes and one candle, Mummy.
Tourist: Excuse me, but does this bus stop at Tenth Street?
Passenger: Yes. Watch me and get of one station before I do.
Tourist: Thank you.
Are you still looking for your dog, Bill?
Why don"t you put an advertisement in the paper?
What"s the use! The dog can"t read.
The waitress brought the soup to everyone in the dining-room of a small hotel. Mr. Smith got the last plate, and the waitress stayed for a moment beside his table; she was looking out of the window.
“It looks like rain,” she said.
“Yes,” said Mr. Smith (he had tasted the soup), “and it tastes like rain too.”
Mr. Gray was on holiday by the sea. He was staying in a small hotel but it was not о good hotel. The meals were very small. One day he sat down to dinner. His plate looked wet. He held it up to the waiter and said, “This plate is wet. Please bring me another.” “That"s your soup, sir,” replied the waiter.
At last the visitor had to say something about food.
“I don"t like this pie, Mrs. Fiddles,” he said. “Oh, don"t you?” said the angry landlady. “I was making pies before you were born.” “Perhaps this is one of them.”
“I"m doing very well in my driving lessons,” Betty said. “Yesterday I went 50 miles per hour. Tomorrow I"m going to try to open my eyes when I pass another car.”
The policeman stopped a woman driver for going too fast.
“When I saw you coming round that corner, I said to myself, “At least 45” the officer told her.
“Well,” was the answer. “I always look older in this hat.”
“Why were you driving too fast, madam?” the policeman asked.
“My breaks aren"t very good”, she answered, “and I was hurrying home before I had an accident
A gentleman was sitting quietly in a first-class compartment. Two ladies got in. One of them saw that the window was open, and she shut it
before sitting down.
“Open it again,” said the second lady. “I"ll die of suffocation if there is no fresh air.”
“I won"t open it,” said the first lady. “I"ll die of cold if the window is open.”
A quarrel started, and it continued until the gentleman-spoke:
“Let"s have the window shut until this lady has died of suffocation, and then we can have it open until this lady has died of cold. After that it will be nice and quiet in here again.”
The young doctor had just finished his train-ing. He didn"t know what the patient"s illness was.
“Have you had this before?” he asked.
“Yes, doctor.”
“Oh! Well! You"ve got it again.”
John Smith couldn"t sleep, so his doctor gave him some sleeping pills. He took a pill that night.
He felt well when he woke up, and he went to work cheerfully.
“I slept very well last night,” he told his boss.
“That"s good,” his boss said. “But where were you yesterday?”
“My boyfriend is wonderful,” said Helen. “He is rather nice, I must say,” said Kate. “He tells everyone that he is going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world,” said Helen.
“I am so sorry,” said Kate. “Perhaps he will change his mind and marry you after all.”
When a girl shows a ring and says that she is going to be married, it is usual to ask: “Who"s the lucky man?” It"s a silly question because everybody knows that the lucky man is her fa-ther.
“I love you so much! Do you think you could live on my salary?”
“Of course I could. But what would you live on?”
Mr. Brown finished his breakfast. Then he asked the waiter to bring the manager of the hotel.
"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" said the manager when he arrived.
"You must have a very clean kitchen here," said Mr. Brown.
"That is very kind of you to say so, sir,” said the manager. "But what makes you think we have a very clean kitchen?"
"Well," replied Mr. Brown, "everything tastes of soap."
"What"s the meaning of this fly in my
"I don"t know, sir. I"m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
A man was just finishing his lunch in a restaurant. The waitress asked if he would like coffee.
"Yes, please," he replied.
The waitress went away but came back quickly and asked, "With cream or with-out, sir?"
"Without cream," he replied.
Then, after a much longer wait, the waitress returned. "I"m very sorry," she said. "There is no more cream. Will you have it without milk?"
Little Tommy liked to ask questions. One day he asked his father one more question. His father did not know the answer. "Don"t ask me so many ques-tions," he said. "You have already asked me nearly a hundred questions today. I didn"t ask my father half as many ques-tions."
"Well, Daddy, perhaps you would know more of the answers to my questions if you had asked more," said Tommy.
Mr. and Mrs. White had a very good table in their dining-room. It was made of the best wood. When Mr. and Mrs. Brown visited the Whites, little Tommy White was hammering nail after nail into the costly table.
"Isn"t that a rather expensive game?" Mr. Brown asked.
"Oh, no," Mr. White answered. "I get the nails at the shop on the corner. They are really quite cheap."
Billy didn"t ask for a cake. He reached past the lady visitor and took one.
"Billy!" said his mother sharply. "Haven"t you got a tongue?"
"Yes, Mum," Billy replied. "But it won"t reach as far as the cakes."
How Many Were There?
The police in a big city were looking for a robber. One day they caught him and took him to prison. But while they were taking photo-graphs of him — from the front, from the left, from the right, with a hat, without a hat — he suddenly attacked the policeman and ran away.
Then a week later the telephone rang in the police-station, and somebody said, “You’re look-ing for Bill Cross, aren’t you?”
“Well, he left here for Waterbridge an hour ago.”
Waterbridge was a small town 100 miles from the city. The city police immediately sent four different photographs of the robber to the police in Waterbridge. Less than twelve hours later they got a telephone call from the police in Waterbridge. “We have caught three of the men,” they said happily, “and we hope to catch the fourth this evening.”
The Sea on Strike
Many years ago, a London theatre performed a play with a terrible storm at sea in one of the scenes. The waves were made by some boys who jumped up and down under a large piece of green cloth. Each boy received a shilling a night for his work.
The play was very popular and the hall was usually full. But the director of the theatre wanted to make still more money from the performances, and he decided to lower the boys" pay from a shilling to sixpence. This made the boys angry, and they decided to go on strike for a shilling a night.
During the next performance, when the storm began, there was enough loud noise on the stage, but the sea was absolutely calm, not one wave could be seen. The theatre director immediately ran behind the stage, raised a corner of the green cloth and shouted, “Waves! Waves! Why aren"t you making waves?!” One of the boys sitting under the cloth asked him, “Do you want sixpenny waves or shilling waves?"
“All right, all right!" the director said. “I"ll give you a shilling, only give me the waves!”
Tremendous waves immediately began to appear on the sea, and everybody agreed that they had never seen a better storm in the theatre.
An Anecdote About Mark Twain
One of Mark Twain"s hobbies was fish-ing, and he used to go fishing even in the closed season when fishing was not al-lowed. Like many fishermen, he some-times invented stories about the number of fish he caught.
One day during the closed season, Mark Twain sat fishing under a little bridge. A man crossing the bridge saw him fishing there. The man stood watching Mark Twain fishing, and then he asked, “Have you caught many fish?"
“Not yet,” Mark Twain answered. “I"ve only just begun. But yesterday I caught thirty big fish here.”
“That"s very interesting,” the man said. “Do you know who I am?"
“No,” Mark Twain said. “I don"t think I ever saw you before."
“I"m the fishing inspector for this dis-trict," the man said.
"And do you know who I am?” Mark Twain asked quickly.
“No, of course not,” said the inspector.
"I am the biggest liar on the Mississip-pi,” Mark Twain told him.
Tea Leaves
There was a time when drinking tea was almost unknown in European countries; many people had never even heard of tea. This anecdote is about an old woman and her son, who lived at that time.
The woman"s son was a sailor, and every time he returned from a far-away country, he brought his mother a gift. Naturally, he tried to bring something unusual that she could show to her friends.
Once, the young man came back from India with a box of tea for his mother. She didn"t know anything about tea, but she liked the smell, and invited all her friends to come and taste it. When her son came into the room, he saw cakes and fruit and sweets on the table, and a big plate filled with tea-leaves. His mother and her friends were sitting round the table, eating the leaves with butter and salt. Though they all smiled, it was clear that they didn"t enjoy eating the leaves.
“Where is tea, Mother?” the sailor asked.
His mother pointed to the plate in the middle of the table.
“No, no, that is only the leaves of the tea,” the sailor said. “Where is the water?”
“The water!” his mother said. “I threw the water away, of course! out of the set!” He smiled to himself, lit his pipe and began reading his favourite book
Немного словарного запаса для рассказа историй на английском.
Здравствуйте всем! Вы когда-нибудь пытались рассказывать какую-нибудь историю на английском? Ставлю на то, что да! Когда Вы просто разговариваете со своим другом например, конечно же Вы хотите рассказать ему о том, что случилось с Вами и что нового в Вашей жизни. Это вполне естественно, и мы делаем это каждый раз, когда говорим с людьми.
В этой статье я бы хотел рассказать Вам небольшую историю, просто выдумать что-нибудь для Вас. И потом мы вместе посмотрим на некоторые интересные моменты и фразы, которые я буду использовать.
История на английском языке.
Итак, вот эта история:
«Other day I went to the cinema. I had plenty of time till the next train home. So I made up my mind to watch that new movie by Quentin Tarantino which was called «Django Unchained». To be honest , I’m not a big fan of westerns, but I’m crazy about all the Tarantino’s movies! So I just couldn’t miss it! What’s more , I had so much free time that I could watch even two movies!
When I came to the cinema it turned out they didn’t have the tickets for «Django Unchained». I was really upset. But it was not a surprise, because the cinema was so crowed and it was the premiere, so all the tickets had been bought away very quickly. So the only thing I could do was just to seat and wait for my train. I went to the nearest fast foodand had a bite there.
For some reason I decided to come back to the cinema and ask them one more time about tickets for «Django Unchained». Believe it or not , but they said that they really had the last ticket! The point was somebody had just returned his ticket, because he couldn’t watch the movie in that time. I was so glad! So that day I managed to watch «Django Unchained»! The movie was great, I liked that! After it finished I came back to the Railway Station and went home!
I was lucky that day for sure !»
«На днях я ходил в кинотеатр. У меня была масса времени до следующего поезда домой. Так что я решил посмотреть новое кино от Квентина Тарантино, которое называлось «Джанго Освобожденный». Честно говоря, я не большой фанат вестернов, но я без ума от фильмов Тарантино! Так что я просто не мог пропустить этого! Более того, у меня было столько времени, что я мог посмотреть даже два фильма.
Когда я пришел в кинотеатр, оказалось, что у них нет билетов на «Джанго Освобожденный». Я был реально расстроен. Но это было не удивительно, потому что кинотеатр был наполнен людьми, и это была премьера, так что все билеты были раскуплены очень быстро. Таким образом, единственное, что я мог сделать было просто сидеть и ждать свой поезд. Я пошел в ближайший фаст фуд и перекусил.
По какой-то причине, я решил вернуться в кинотеатр и еще раз спросить их про билеты. Хотите верьте, хотите нет, но у них действительно был один билет! Дело в том, что кто-то только что вернул свой билет, потому что не мог пойти на тот сеанс! Я был очень рад! Таким образом, мне удалось посмотреть «Джанго Освобожденный» в тот день! Фильм отличный, мне понравился! После того, как он закончился, я вернулся на вокзал и поехал домой!
Несомненно, в тот день мне повезло!»
Разговорные фразы из текста.
Не смотря на то, что из перевода и так уже понятен смысл выделенных фраз, я все же приведу еще несколько примеров с ними ниже:
Первая фраза — «other day» . Это означает «совсем недавно, один или два дня назад, на днях». Например:
Other day I passed the exam.
(На днях я сдал экзамен)
Other day I went to the bank.
(Недавно я ходил в банк)
«Plenty of time» . Это означает «иметь много времени». И не только времени. Например:
I had plenty of time to do that.
(У меня была масса времени)
I had plenty of opportunities.
(У меня была масса возможностей)
I have plenty of books.
(У меня очень много книг)
«I made up my mind» . Это означает «Я решил».
to make up smb mind — решать, принимать решение.
I made up my mind to go to University.
(Я принял решение поехать в университет)
I made up my mind to stay home.
(Я решил остаться дома)
«To be honest». Фраза означает «Сказать по правде, честно говоря». Например:
To be honest, I don’t like you.
(Честно говоря, ты мне не нравишься)
To be honest, I don’t know where to go.
(Честно говоря, я не знаю куда идти)
«I’m crazy about».
«To be crazy about something» означает сходить с ума по чему-то, реально обожать.
I’m crazy about English.
(Я без ума от английского языка)
«What’s more». Фраза означает «более того, там более»:
What’s more, I like swimming!
(Более того, я люблю плавать!)
What’s more, he is our friend!
(Более того, он наш друг!)
«It turned out». Классная фраза, означает «Оказалось…»:
It turned out, we are lazy.
(Оказалось, что мы ленивые)
It turned out, he was wrong.
(Оказалось, он был не прав)
«had a bite».
«To have a bite» означает «перекусить». Простая и хорошая фраза:
Yesterday I had a bite at the cafe.
(Вчера я перекусил в кафе)
Let’s have a bite!
(Давай перекусим!)
«For some reason». Это означает «по какой-то причине, почему-то». Например:
For some reason, I’ve done it.
(По какой-то причине, я это сделал)
For some reason, I didn’t ask him about it.
(Почему-то, я не спросил его об этом)
For some reason, I don’t like this song.
(Мне почему-то не нравится эта песня)
«Believe it or not» — хотите верьте, хотите нет.
Believe it or not, but I know what I saw!
(Хотите верьте, хотите нет, но я знаю, что я видел!)»The point is…» — дел в том, что…
The point is I like you!
(Дело в том, что ты мне нравишься!)
The point is you should learn English hard!
(Дело в том, что тебе следует учить английский усердно)
«I managed to…». Классная фраза, означает «мне удалось, у меня получилось»:
I managed to visit that museum.
(Мне удалось посетить тот музей)
I managed to buy the best seats.
(У меня получилось купить лучшие места)
«For sure» — несомненно:
I like this game for sure.
(Несомненно, мне нравится эта игра)
For sure I’ll be there.
(Я несомненно там буду)
Вот так вот, друзья. Надеюсь, что Вы будете использовать эти фразы в своей и развивать свой английский.
Продолжайте и берегите себя!
» Как рассказывать историю?
Малыши с радостью познают окружающий мир, впитывая в себя все, что в нем происходит. Воспользуйтесь этой искренней любознательностью и добавьте в окружение малыша английскую речь, читая с ним рассказы на английском для детей. Небольшие английские сказки дадут ребенку возможность ознакомиться со звучанием языка, узнать новые слова и фразы, научиться читать и понимать по-английски. В сегодняшнем материале вы найдете легкие и интересные детские рассказы на английском языке с переводом текста на русский, а также полезные рекомендации по проведению таких занятий.
Прежде чем привлекать малыша к чтению на английском, необходимо тщательно продумать план своего занятия и отобрать подходящие материалы.
Детишкам, только начинающим знакомство с иностранным языком, рекомендуется брать адаптированную литературу на английском языке для детей. Эти сказки переработаны и упрощены до минимума: текст написан короткими предложениями, с часто повторяющимися словами и яркими вспомогательными картинками .
Не забывайте и о том, что у сказки для детей на английском обязательно должен быть перевод. Так и вы, и малыш, будете чувствовать себя увереннее, зная, что всегда можно свериться с правильным значением слов.
Чтобы привлечь непосед к чтению или прослушиванию сказок, используйте игровые методы и свою неограниченную фантазию. Главное, постоянно взаимодействовать с ребенком и не дать ему заскучать. Просматривайте с малышом красивые картинки и играйте в «вопросы и ответы» (кто/что это?), прочитывайте реплики героев разными голосами, вместе заучивайте новую лексику и старайтесь строить небольшие диалоги.
Необязательно изучать рассказы для детей и истории на английском только в текстовом формате. Сочетайте все возможные методы познавания языка: прослушивайте аудиоверсии сказок, записанные носителями языка, или отвлекайтесь на просмотр красочных и динамичных видеороликов с текстом сказки .
Усвоив все приведенные выше советы, перейдем к воплощению их на практике. Далее приводим короткие рассказы на английском с параллельным русским переводом.
Сказки и рассказы на английском для детей
The Goose that laid the Golden Eggs (Гусь, несущий золотые яйца)
Удача улыбнулась им! Но вскоре муж и жена начали думать, что так они еще долго не станут зажиточными богачами.
Так муж и жена решились убить птицу. Однако, разделывая гуся, они были сильно удивлены: изнутри он был точно такой же, как и все подобные ему птицы!
The crocodile (Крокодильчик)
Однажды малыш-крокодил посчитал все свои блестящие чешуйки, и получилась их целая тысяча. Их было намного больше, чем он думал прежде.
Крокодильчик загадал перед сном, чтобы на подушку выпало 40 чешуинок. Но этого не случилось. Не выпали они и через три недели.
Крокодильчик проснулся, и о чудо! На подушке лежало 40 блестящих чешуек. Он раздал их 20 крокодилам: каждому по 2 чешуйки. С тех пор все подружились с добрым малышом-крокодильчиком.
The boy who cried “Wolf!” (Мальчик, который кричал «Волки!»)
У него была одна шутка, которую он часто играл с людьми. Мальчик бежал вниз и очень громко выкрикивал: Волк! Волк! Помогите мне кто-нибудь! Здесь волк!
Однажды выдался замечательный теплый денек. Мальчишка спал под деревом. Вдруг он услышал странный звук. Мальчик проснулся и увидел крупного серого зверя. Это был волк.
Но на этот раз никто не пришел спасать мальчика. Потому что никто не поверит лгуну, даже если он вдруг решит сказать правду. Когда мальчик не вернулся ночью домой, люди отправились его искать. Но им так никогда и не удалось отыскать мальчишку.
Many years ago two friends, Joe and Tom, came to a small town. It was very dark when they came to a little inn. They asked for a room with two beds. The owner of the inn showed them a room and gave them a candle because there was no lamp in the room.
When they were going to the room the candle fell out of Joe"s hand. It became very dark. They found the door of the room and went in.
They took off their clothes and went to bed. The bed was very big and by mistake1 they got into the same bed: Tom from one side and Joe from the other.
After a few minutes Joe said, "You know, Tom, there"s a man in my bed. Here are his feet near my face."
"Yes, Joe, there"s a man in my bed too. His feet are near my face too. What shall we do?"
"Let"s push them off our beds."
And they began to push each other. After some time the two men fell on the floor.
"Joe!" cried Tom. "My man is stronger than I. He has pushed me down to the floor."
"I"m on the floor too," answered Joe. "I think we must go to the owner of the inn and tell him about it."
Are You Angry, Sir?
One day Mark Twain was travelling in France by train. He was going to a small town near Paris. It was very late at night when he went to sleep. He asked the conductor to wake him up when they got to the town, and went to sleep.
It was early morning when he woke up. The train was already near Paris. Mark Twain was very angry. He ran up to the conductor and cried, "I asked you to wake me up! Why didn"t you do it? I am very angry with you!"
The conductor looked at him for a moment and then said, "You may be angry, sir, but not so angry as the American whom I put off" the train instead of you."
In a Small Town
Toscanini was a great musician. He lived in America. One day he came to a very little town. He was walking along the street when he saw a piece of paper in one of the windows. He read:
"Mrs. Smith. Music Lessons. Two Dollars a Lesson"
Then Toscanini heard the music. Somebody was playing Tchaikovsky.
"Mrs Smith is playing," he thought, "she isn"t a very good musician. She doesn"t play Tchaikovsky well. I must show her how to play it."
He went up to the door of the house and rang. The music stopped and soon a woman opened the door.
"Are you Mrs Smith?" asked Toscanini. "My name is Toscanini and I want to show you how to play Tchaikovsky."
Mrs Smith was very glad to meet the great musician. She asked him to come in. Toscanini played Tchaikovsky for her and went away.
A year later Toscanini visited the same town again. When he went up to the house where he had played Tchaikovsky the year before he again saw a piece of paper. Now it read:
"Mrs. Smith (Toscanini"s pupil). Music Lessons. Four Dollars a Lesson"
A Great Painter and a Great Doctor
Joseph Turner was a great English painter. He had a dog which he loved very much. One day he was playing with his dog. The dog fell and broke his leg. Turner sent for a doctor. But he did not want to send for a vet.1 He sent for the best doctor in London.
When the doctor came Turner said, "Doctor, I"m glad you have come. My dog has broken a leg. I know that you are too great for this work, but please, do it. It"s so important to me."
The doctor was angry but he did not show it.
Next day the doctor asked Turner to come to his house. "The doctor wants to see me about my dog," Turner thought.
When Turner got to the doctor"s house the doctor said, "Mr Turner, I"m glad to see you. I want to. ask you to paint my door. I know that you are too great for this work, but please, do it. It"s so important to me."
The Policeman and the Thief
In a small town a man stole1 some money from a house. The police began to look for the thief. Soon they found him and brought him to the police station.
There was a new policeman at the police station and they wanted to give him some work.
"Take this thief to the city," said one of the policemen. "You must go there by train."
The policeman and the thief went to the station. On their way to the station they came to the shop where bread was sold
"We have no food and we must eat something in the train," said th° thief. "It"s a long way to the city and it"ll take us a long time to get there. I"ll go into the shop and buy some bread. Then you and I can eat in the train. Wait for me here."
The policeman was glad to have some food in the train. "Be quick," he said to the thief, "we don"t have much time."
The thief went into the shop and the policeman waited in the street for a long time. At last he went into the shop.
"Where is the man who came in here to buy some bread?" asked the policeman
"Oh, he went out the back door," said the owner of the shop.
The policeman ran out but he could not see the thief. So he went to the police station and told the others about it. They were very angry with him. All the police of the town began to look forthe thief again and soon they found him. They brought him back to the police station and called the same policeman.
"Now," said one of them, "take him to the city and do not lose him again."
The policeman and the thief went to the station and came up to the same shop.
"Wait here," said the thief. "I want to go into the shop and buy some bread there."
"Oh, no," said the policeman, "you did that once and ran away. Now I"ll go into the shop and you"ll wait for me here."
Not a Robber
A young man who lived in the suburbs" of a big English city was going home from the railway station. It was a dark night and there was nobody in the street. Suddenly he heard somebody walking behind him. The faster he went, the faster the man ran after him. At last he decided to turn into a small street to see what the man would do.2 After a few minutes he looked back and saw that the man was still running after him.
"He wants to rob me," the young man thought. He saw a high garden wall and jumped over it. The other man jumped over the wall too. Now the young man was sure that the man behind him was a robber. But he could not understand why the robber was not in a hurry2 to attack him.
The young man did not know what to do. Then he turned round and said, "What do you want? Why are you following me?"
"Do you always go home in this way? Or are you taking some exercise today?" answered the man. "I"m going to Mr White, but I don"t know where he lives. A man at the railway station told me to follow you, because I could find his house very easily as Mr White lives next door to you. Will you go home or will you do some more gymnastics?"
The Mouse and the Corn
Many, many years ago there lived a king who said that anyone who could tell a story for two years would get1 a piece of land.
First one man tried but his story lasted only two weeks. Another man finished his story after five days. A third man began his story like this:
"Once a farmer planted some corn. When the corn grew the farmer gathered it and put it into a shed. Then the mouse came into the shed and began to eat the corn."
The man went on, "The mouse took a grain of corn, the mouse took a grain of corn, the mouse took a grain of corn..."
The King interrupted the story, "Well, what was after this?"
"I can"t tell you," answered the man, "because the mouse hasn"t finished eating the corn yet."
"All right," said the king, "you will get a piece of land."
For Those Who Like to Travel
One day a Paris newspaper gave an advertisement3 about a very cheap4 and pleasant way of travelling - for 25 centimes.5 Many people believed it and sent the money.
A few days later each of them got a letter. The letter read: "Sir, rest in bed and remember that the Earth turns. Paris stands at the 49th parallel. At the 49th parallel you travel more than 25,000 kilometres a, day. You may look out of the window and watch the beautiful sky."
A Clever Fisherman
A fisherman brought a very large fish to a rich man"s house. The rich man asked the fisherman to name his price for the fish. "I don"t want money," was the answer. "One hundred lashes on my back is the price of my fish. I won"t take one lash less!"
The rich man was surprised and said, "Well, this fisherman is very strange, but we must have the fish. So let the price be paid."
After fifty lashes the fisherman cried, "Stop! Stop! I have a partner in my business and he must get his part, too." "Where can I find him?" asked the rich man.
"He"s your own servant. He didn"t want to let me come into your house till I promised to give him half of the price of the fish."
Two Brothers
Once there were two brothers, Peter and Bernard. Both of them liked to ride horses. One day they both went to buy a horse. Bernard bought a horse and Peter bought a horse, too.
"Oh, dear!" said Bernard. "How are we going to tell our horses apart? How shall I know which is my horse and which is your horse?"
"It isn"t difficult," said Peter, "you cut the tail of your horse shorter than that of mine."
So Bernard cut the tail of his horse and now they could see which horse was his. But then the tail of Bernard"s horse grew and the brothers began to think again.
"I know!" said Bernard. "You cut the mane of your horse very short and so we"ll see which horse is yours."
But soon the mane of his horse grew.
"Do you know what we must do?" asked Peter. "We must see whose horse is longer. Perhaps, one is longer than the other."
And at last they found that the black horse was three centimetres longer than the white horse.
Quick Thinking
One night a hotel caught fire1 and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.
Two men were standing near the hotel and looking at the fire. "Before I came out," said one of them, "I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money there. People don"t think about money when they are in panic. When paper money gets into a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the paper money that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took it."
"You don"t know me," said the other man, "and you don"t know what I am."
"And where do you work?"
"I"m a policeman."
"Oh!" cried the first man. He thought quickly and then he said, "And do you know what I am?"
"No," said the policeman.
"I"m a writer. I"m always telling stories about things that never took place."
Taking a walk in a park a colonel of a rather gloomy disposition saw a lieutenant of his regiment in civilian clothes with a young lady. Having noticed the colonel from a distance, the lieutenant hid himself behind a tree.
The next day the colonel asked:
– Why did I see you yesterday evening in the park in civilian clothes?
– Because the tree was not thick enough, Sir, – answered the lieutenant.
Прогуливаясь в парке, один суровый полковник увидел лейтенанта своего полка в гражданской одежде с молодой особой. Издали заметив полковника, лейтенант спрятался за дерево.
На следующий день полковник спрашивает:
– Почему я видел вас вчера вечером в парке в штатском?
– Потому, что дерево было недостаточно толстым, сэр, – ответил лейтенант.
Student: Brain is like Bermuda triangle – information goes in and then it is never found again.
Студент: Мозги как Бермудский треугольник – информация в него попадает и больше никогда не находится.
Why did you leave your last job?
The company relocated and they didn’t tell me where.
Почему вы оставили предыдущее место работы?
Компания переехала и не сообщила мне куда.
Once a young man went shopping and bought himself a pair of trousers. When he got home, he went to his bedroom and tried them on. He found they were far too long.
He went downstairs where his mother and his two sisters were waiting for dinner. “The new trousers are too long? – he said. – They need shortening. Would any of you be so kind and do it for me, please?”
As soon as dinner was over and his mother had shortened the trousers to the same size as his old ones. It happened that she did not mention about it to her daughters.
Later on? the elder sister remembered her brother’s request. She was a kind-hearted person and wanted to do him a favour, so she considerably shortened the trousers.- Because the tree was not thick enough, Sir, – answered the lieutenant.
Returning home from the cinema, the younger sister suddenly remembered what her brother asked them. So she hurried upstairs and cut a piece off each leg of the new trousers.
Однажды молодой человек отправился по магазинам и купил себе брюки. Придя домой, он поднялся в свою комнату и примерил их. И увидел, что они слишком длинны для него.
Спустившись в столовую, где его ждали к обеду мать и две сестры, он сказал: “Мои новые брюки слишком длинны. Их надо укоротить. Не сделает ли это кто-нибудь из вас? Я буду очень благодарен.”
Как только обед кончился, мать вымыла посуду, пошла в комнату сына и укоротила брюки по длине ношеных. Случилось так, что она об этом дочерям ничего не сказала.
Немного позже старшая сестра вспомнила просьбу брата. Она была добросердечной девушкой, хотела оказать любезность брату и основательно укоротила брюки.
Вернувшись из кино, младшая сестра вдруг вспомнила просьбу брата. Она поторопилась подняться в его комнату и отрезала по большому куску от каждой штанины новых брюк.
Teacher: I killed a person. Convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: You will go to jail.
Учитель: Я убил человека. Переделай это предложение в будущее время.
Студент: Ты пойдёшь в тюрьму.
An energetic American tourist had come to visit the Warwick Castle in England. When the doorkeeper made his appearance, the American was studying his guide-book.
– Tell me, – the American said to the caretaker, – have you that famous vase still here? (shows its photo in the guide-book).
– Yes, sir, – was the reply.
– And the table that costs 10.000 dollars?
– Yes, sir.
– And have you still that portrait of Charles I by Vandyck?
– Oh yes, sir, – said the doorkeeper, – they are all here. Won’t you come in and see them?
– No, I won’t, I have no time to lose, – replied the visitor. – As they are here right enough and I have seen them in my guide-book I can go on visiting other castles and museums. Good morning – and he hurried away.
Однажды во дворец Варвик в Англии явился энергичный американский турист. Когда привратник подошел к нему, американец изучал свой путеводитель.
– Скажите мне, – обратился американец к привратнику, – эта знаменитая ваза (показывает ее фотографию в путеводителе) все еще здесь?
– Да, сэр, – был ответ.
– А стол, который стоит десять тысяч долларов?
– Да, сэр.
– А портрет Карла Первого работы Ван-Дейка тоже еще здесь?
– О да, сэр, – сказал привратник, – все они здесь. Не зайдете ли вы на них посмотреть?
– Нет, не зайду. Я не могу терять времени, – ответил посетитель. – Поскольку все они на месте и я их видел в своем путеводителе, я могу продолжить посещения других дворцов и музеев. До свидания. И он поспешил уйти.
Wife: If a Monster was my husband, I would have been much happier with him than with you…
Man: But marriages are not allowed in same blood relation!
Жена: если бы я вышла замуж за монстра, мне было бы с ним намного лучше, чем с тобой…
Муж: но браки по кровному родству не разрешены.
A man placed an advertisement «Wife wanted». The next day he received hundreds of replies, all saying «You can have mine».