First step. Inner child
I am writing this text with great gratitude to the girls who come to my classes. You inspire me to get together and finally do what I have been planning for a long time. Thank you for your trust, my dears! Thank you, you are the most magical!
Nowadays there is a lot of talk about self-love. And almost everyone understands that it is necessary to love yourself. But how exactly can you love yourself? After all, love is a verb, that is, an action.
As an object of love, I invite you to choose your own inner child. This is the very core of our soul, our creative part, it is also the most vulnerable and often the most abandoned. Our inner Adult and Parent grow to enormous sizes, and the Child is often left to sit abandoned in a corner. And then it seems to us that no one loves us, because it is this part of us that accepts love! It is our Child who knows the answer to the question: do they really love us? He doesn't reason, he feels things like that.
If your Child is abandoned by you, then he cannot accept love. And this means that deep in your soul you can never be sure that you are loved. You will doubt the love of loved ones, men, even parents and your own children. Despite everything your mind tells you. You just won't feel love directed towards you, it will seem to float by. It's very, very hard to live like that! Moreover, in such a situation you will not be able to show your love.
The good news is
that you can fill your Child with love. There is a simple meditation for this that you can download. It should be done regularly, for example, once a week, until your Child becomes lively, cheerful and sociable. And then be sure to repeat it sometimes so that your girl does not feel abandoned again.
And our inner girl needs to be pampered regularly! If you were not spoiled as a child, you really need to do it now! And if in childhood everything was good, then even more so, why wean ourselves from the good?
First, you give her what she will ask for in meditation. And then turn on your intuition, or just remember what you wanted as a child? Maybe you didn't have this, and you dreamed about it, or, on the contrary, you would gladly repeat something from your childhood?
Here I, for example, painfully dreamed of a jewelry box. I had a box, and it was very beautiful, but it contained only hairpins and hair ties. And I wanted rings, beads ... And those rings that I twisted for myself from a thin colored telephone wire did not suit me. I wanted real ones! In the 70s, this was not sold in a store in our village.
But now this junk is in bulk, and I never leave Mega or the Continent without regular children's trinkets. Thanks to the nephew, there is where to attach them. I think she has the largest collection of "jewelry" in kindergarten.
I also go to the cinema to watch cartoons, under the guise of "we need to take the child." And my inner girl is delighted.
And a book about fairies! With gorgeous illustrations, in a soft foam cover ... I never read it, I just bought it for my Girl. For two weeks she lay at home in the most conspicuous place, and each time, casting a glance at her, I felt how happy my Girl is!
Even at every exhibition of gems, I buy her (sometimes under the guise of "I need this for lithotherapy") of incredible beauty colored stones.
In the Novosibirsk zoo, just like in childhood, she begged for cotton candy from her husband for a long time. Whining, as in four years))) And when I started eating it, having smeared my whole face, I felt like not just a little girl, but a happy little girl.
Big hello to my friend, who once treated me to a cockerel on a stick, just like in the USSR. It was a real cockerel, not hukhry-muhry! Only burnt sugar, no flavors, and a wooden stick, everything is real!
Buying a dress for the inner girl is a special song. These clothes have nowhere to wear, of course, but no one bothers to walk in them at home. It looks better than a dressing gown, trust me!
And also slides and a bungee in the water park, riding buns from the mountains in winter, modeling in the yard with a nephew. When she grows up, you look, and the grandchildren will go :-)
And be happy!
What prevents you from loving yourself?
The answer to this question often opens the door to this treasure house within us called Self-Love. At the same time, by opening these doors, it becomes clear and obvious to us that we will have to learn to use this treasury.
Let's first look at what is shaping our self-loathing within us.
A couple of decades ago, our society completely denied self-love and self-acceptance. This was condemned and called selfishness.
Each person is a whole system. This is our body, our emotions, our mind / intellect. We are influenced by the family system, its values, environment, society. Upbringing brings into our life both a certain attitude towards ourselves and a huge number of attitudes ...
The very first thing that we are aware of and through what we feel our life - this body.
Think how many prohibitions are connected with our body: you cannot lie in bed for extra minutes. Cosmetic procedures are often done because it is necessary. It is such an act of self-love. Buying beautiful things for yourself as much as you want is not permissible. Having sex the way we like it is embarrassing. It is impossible to enjoy your favorite food, we count calories ... Soaking up the bathroom is a waste of time. And each time, our internal impulses of what our body wants are suppressed, denied, explained by the lack of time, money, etc.
It is not possible at all to accept your body as it is given to us. Women often grow up feeling that their body is ugly, that its impulses are not correct. And since no one explained in time that the sensations of the body are an important source of our understanding of ourselves, fears of rejection of the body envelop us headlong, and we try our best not to hear our body, change it, reshape it, etc.
The body is the place where our senses live, our Soul. This is what we are connected with from the first moment of our life to the last breath.
Another facet of us, which prevents ourselves from loving and accepting, is our emotions... Emotions, as well as the impulses of our body, were once banned. Moreover, both positive and negative. We cannot equally demonstrate both joy, happiness, pleasure, and anger, anger, discontent.
We drive our emotions deep and justify it with our upbringing. Meanwhile, emotions are our beacon, which shows where our ship is sailing. Resentment has arisen - it means that something is wrong with the boundaries in the relationship. Joy is great! We are swimming in the right direction. Emotions are what gives us the opportunity to be aware of ourselves and adjust our course.
Intelligence... Someone despises themselves for their intelligence. (Especially now, when all women are told around that this is not the most important quality and that the mind interferes with building relationshipsL) Someone suffers from limited mental abilities and considers themselves not smart enough, advanced, etc. (I know women with several towers who think of themselves that they are not given enough intelligence).
And often we are unhappy with our life path on which we have to go. It seems to us all the time that what is happening in our life is nonsense, we want it to be different. Inside there are always complaints about how our life flows, how people around us treat us.
But all these components determine our life. They cannot be dismissed, they cannot be replaced, thrown away, renewed! And while we play the game of how to correct what I have, life slowly but surely becomes unbearable.
So, it's time to stop, to see all these limitations that prevent you from loving yourself and accepting yourself and finally getting to know yourself real. This acquaintance will slowly but surely help you love yourself and be happy.
So here are the first few steps.
- Take a few minutes in the morning or evening to look at your body, learn to notice what you like about it. Start complimenting yourself out loud. I warn you, it won't be easy. The Inner Critic has been trained for years to see flaws and shove them under your nose. It is important to be patient and consistent here. Let it grumble to yourself, while you look at yourself in the mirror and look for something that deserves a compliment.
- Learn to listen to what you are feeling. Your emotions are an important part of you. Copy your list of feelings to your phone or computer and when you feel emotions inside you, find the right name for what you are experiencing. Trust me when you start telling yourself clearly, "I'm angry!" - It will become easier for you to live. Then you can conduct a small investigation on this topic: on whom? For what? Would you like to? And this is a sign of self-love. Or suddenly you realize: "I am glad!" And, perhaps, you will immediately experience a fright: suddenly the joy is not long-term, suddenly you will scare you away, jinx it, “you will cry later”? Great! You are already starting to get acquainted with your deepest beliefs that spoil your life!
- Your attitude to your mind, to your abilities, potential - watch yourself. Observation will again allow you to see where you are limiting yourself and possibly creating a powerful field for self-doubt.
Start praising yourself! Every day. Make it a rule to write the list "I am a great job today!" At least 5 points.
- Change your habits! Learn to relax, if you do not know how to allow yourself to relax, then set aside at least an hour of time on your day off to do nothing! Oh, I know how difficult it can be! And yet, start learning to DO NOTHING!
Let these small steps allow you to focus your attention on yourself. After all, self-love is about being in contact with yourself. Feel yourself, be aware of yourself, respond to your needs. And observing yourself, doing these little exercises will allow you to get closer to this.
Good luck to you! Love yourself!
as the main ingredient of femininity, let me ask a question that is closely related to this.How often are you satisfied with yourself? Are your results during the day more often pleasing or frustrating? As a child, were you more often praised or talked about how much more needs to be done?
"What does this have to do with the answers to these questions and self-love?" - you ask. Let's sort it out in order. Let's start?
1. Turn on the shower light
How do happy women differ from unhappy ones? The ability to adjust your state, and also faith in yourself. Morning did not work out? And are you showing dissatisfaction? It grows like a snowball more and more, and by the end of the day, you are sure that this was not your day. Discontent can capture your attention.Don't give in to this temptation!
The mood is easy to manage. Form a new habit:tune in for a good day in the morning.Someone starts the day with affirmations, someone with a prayer, and someone with a smile and breathing practices in the fresh air.
Thank the Universe for giving you another chance to enjoy life. Ignite your inner positive light and hold this state all day.
Start your day calmly, with faith in your capabilities. Remember, what you reflect, you receive from the world.
2. Form good habits
Self-love begins with self-care. If you are used to working for wear and tear, pamper yourself a little, have forgotten the last time you got enough sleep - it's time to organize your morning, day and night.
Go to bed early. Try to make the transition smooth: go to bed half an hour earlier than the previous day. And so on until you reach the desired end and rise times.
Take care of your body... Otherwise, exhaustion is not far off. No excuses: small children, reports at work, breakfasts for loved ones. First, you take care of your body (exercise, fitness, yoga), then you give vigor to those around you.
Do you want to look well-groomed? Start pampering yourself with homemade masks. Train your body to take care of it. And on a day off, be sure to go to a beauty master.
Eat right... As soon as your favorite dishes and healthy foods appear in your diet, you will begin to glow, you will be energetic and cheerful.
3. Give thanks to others.
At first it will seem to you that there is nothing to thank them for. But if you learn to be more attentive, you will see that you can:
- to thank your mother when she reminds you of a visit to the doctor,
- to thank the neighbor who told you that the water will be turned off in the house (for prevention),
- thank the cashier in the store for opening the package for you,
- to thank your husband for taking the child from kindergarten,
- to thank the child for asking about what you dreamed about, 
- to thank the stranger for letting you go ahead at the entrance to the supermarket.
Learning to love othersYou hone your love for yourself ... Take care of yourself and others with light in your soul, then you will see how your joy improves the world.
Even if you have now lost your job, broke off the relationship, it is also easy to find a good side in this. Give thanksfor the experience gained and get ready for new opportunities.
4. You are responsible for the relationship.
Accept the fact that everything that happens to you in life, you pulled from the past with your decisions. Yes, yes, if mistakes have occurred somewhere, they should be corrected or simply accepted. When relationships with oneself are harmonious, then everything develops with others.
Attitude to your spirit.
Mental ailments must be treated with action, or rather, with good deeds.
The main question that needs to be asked when raising this topic is "Who am I?" You cannot talk about loving yourself until you understand the answer to this question. Self-love is always love for what I am and who I am aware of myself.
If we talk about self-love and identify ourselves with the body, then this leads to a fairly large egoism. To people of older generations, when they hear "self-love", it seems that we are talking about selfishness, about a sense of self-importance. Because in Soviet times, people were taught to love their homeland, to love their work, to be loyal to the party. This generation was aimed at love of society, certain qualities, patriotism were cultivated in people. But even at that time there were criminals, thieves, etc. Until a person within himself realizes who he is, why he lives, this love and this patriotism is more difficult to cultivate.
Now we have a tendency to ensure that people earn money, so that they have a good level of well-being. Being well-being is not bad, but at the same time, it is not the goal of life. Being happy with a modest financial situation is sometimes even easier than being happy with a lot of money. It often happens that people have a lot of money, but there is no happiness.
Many who do not have money, do not have a resource, think: "Here I will have this resource, and I will be happy." This is a misconception because our own understanding of who I am is different from who we really are. If you are happy, it does not matter whether you have this external resource or not - you are happy inside. Achieving a dream, reaching some kind of financial top will not give this inner experience, it can only bring temporary satisfaction, but the inner state of integrity is not achieved, a state of anxiety remains inside.
Therefore, the question of self-love is primarily based on a PRACTICAL understanding of who I am. There are many ways for this: meditation, prayers, inner self-awareness, analysis, etc. There are many approaches that make it possible to dive into a deeper state and come closer to understanding this question: "Who am I?"
Have you ever seen people die? When a person died, people cry and say: "Who did you leave us for, where did you go." But here it is, the body lies here. Unconsciously, people understand that a certain part of the body has left, and this part is that person, that person with whom they communicated.
If we are conscious in this moment, then we understand: there is I - a certain personified personality, and there is a supporting structure - this is the body. If we look deeper, then the mind is also a kind of clothing. On whom? On me.
There is a cartoon about a boa constrictor, a monkey, a parrot and a baby elephant. And there the boa constrictor says: "I have a thought, and I think it." This is a very deep and conscious expression: the boa constrictor realizes that he has a mind, thoughts pass through him, and he can think them. But if he can think of them, then he needn't think of them. You can, for example, wash the floors or not. This means that there is someone who can afford to think or not think. Such an analysis leads to the fact that I am something deeper than thoughts.
If you pay attention to this inner - I will not say "soul", "spirit" - and give the opportunity for this to live and be, then the satisfaction of the needs of this inner can be considered self-love.
Imagine you have three rooms and each room has flowers. In one room, you don't water the flowers - well, you don't like them - you forget to water them, you don't talk to them. Most likely, these flowers will first try to grow well or even bloom so that you pay attention to them. And then, if you don't pay attention to them anyway, they will bend and die. And not only because you forget to water them, although this is also food for them. But your attention is also important. I have a friend who constantly goes abroad because of work, but at the same time loves her flowers very much. These flowers, after two or three weeks of her absence, dry and bend, but the love of this woman revives them again, and when she returns, they grow beautifully again. In such incredibly difficult physical conditions, they survive only on her love.
Goethe said: "Give a person a goal worth living for, and he will survive in any situation." Self-love does not mean body love. Yes, body love is also an important element, but not the primary one. For example, loving your own body is more important than loving your clothes. If you have a choice: rip your clothes or destroy your body, which will you choose? Of course, tear your clothes. If you have a choice to preserve your mind through, for example, damaging your body, then the ideal choice is to preserve your mind. Why do you need a healthy body if the mind is damaged?
Going deeper, if there is a choice to preserve the soul and integrity, for example, but pay less attention to the body, then this choice should be made in favor of the soul. Because otherwise, if we go towards the body, we go to the periphery of consciousness, where our own experience of happiness becomes difficult. I am not saying that the body does not need to be paid attention - it is. The mind needs, emotions, feelings - everything needs. But there is a hierarchy in the world.
In yoga there is such a concept as "isvara pranidhana" - this is a hierarchy where the spirit rules and dominates. This spirit, conscience is the primary thing that we have, and everything else then grows out of this, is built from this. If this is absent, everything else becomes meaningless. Why do we need a beautiful car, a luxurious apartment, if there is no one to drive this car and there is no one to live in it? A person comes to an empty, beautifully built apartment, and he is unhappy, because there is no laughter and joy, because he is alone there. It seems like there are all the amenities: a shower, a toilet, and a wonderful bed, and there is no one to share this joy with.
Self-love begins with awareness of who I am. The deeper you realize who I am, the more true, correct, durable and natural self-love becomes.
Many girls have been asking me to write a post about self-love for a long time - so today I will tell you how important it is to love yourself and what to do if you have such a problem.
I have already written an article on the topic of self-dislike, there are many signs to which you can also add a constant feeling of guilt, self-doubt, comparing yourself with others, and even not in your favor.
This can manifest itself in personal relationships, which for some reason do not work out, and in work - where you are not appreciated. And on the whole, things are going awry.
Where to begin:
If you have a "neglected" stage - this is when personal relationships do not stick together, friends use you, and at work they notice less often than an office ficus, then you need to take on yourself seriously. Start with forgiveness meditation in relation to herself, or to those who have offended you and have not believed in you since childhood (parents).
Start every morning with kind words towards yourself (remember the good old Soviet film: "I am the most charming, I am the most beautiful, successful and happy"). With the regularity of these exercises, you yourself will notice how your shoulders are straightened and self-confidence appears.
Don't skimp on yourself! If you save on yourself, then those around you will also want to save on you. Especially your man. You should feel like a Diamond, and diamonds are set only in precious metal.
Necessarily set aside at least a little time for yourself... It can be 1 day a week, or 15 minutes a day - it doesn't matter, but this time should only be yours. You can devote it to personal care or spiritual development, or in the end, just take a bath and be alone with your thoughts. Hunted and tortured women cannot radiate love and happiness.
Analyze the reasons for your self-doubt- maybe you don't like the way you dress? Or don’t like how you look? Often, many girls disguise what they dislike behind shapeless clothing. But in our time, there are absolutely no problems with this - you can find a stylist who will immediately pick up the right wardrobe for you and tell you what suits your body type, you can take makeup courses and learn how to make yourself such a make-up that you will fall in love with yourself, and the rest like that. and will fit in stacks at all.
There is also a gym, a manicure with a pedicure, a spa procedure - after which you will simply feel like a blossoming flower that has been vegetating under the snow for a long time. And again you will never want to return to the state in which you were.
These are all, it would seem, such trifles! But all life consists of these little things. And you yourself will be surprised how a beautiful manicure can affect your sense of self-confidence.